Coming in From the Cold

It’s been cold lately! Southerner that I am, my body (and heating budget!) is in shock from this drop in temperature that has had Fall feeling like an unusually cold Georgia Winter. Interestingly enough, despite the chill, I’ve been finding myself going out and seeking community a bit more lately. And I’m not the only one. I keep hearing people talking about how they’d been hermiting over the last few months and were coming out because of a need to be around others again. Often, this exchange is followed by a joking comment about this being the time we’re supposed to start hibernating, not start leaving our homes. 

Quick Tip for Confidence - Keep Your Portfolio Up to Date

I grew up mistaking self-confidence with hubris, avoiding it as though a sin.  Turns out, it's a good thing and I was missing out for a long, long time.  So, I'm trying to bring practices into my routine to improve my confidence…as I find things that work, I'll jot a quick note about it here and maybe it will work for someone else, too!

…and now, without further ado, I bring you my first Quick Tip for Confidence:

Keep Your Portfolio Up to Date

This may sound like trite advice that only applies to artists and writers who actually keep portfolios but it does work. Here's why: Whether you're keeping an actual portfolio of your published and/or best work or you're simply keeping a folder in which to file way your accomplishments, regular reminders of what you do when you're at your best make it easier to remember those same accomplishments when you're feeling down.

Give Yourself a Hug

For everyone who struggles or has struggled with self-esteem, self-acceptance, anxiety, depression, etc.,  there are no easy fixes. There's a reason an entire industry of dubious value and extreme expense exists to aid people with their mental health. I have seen all sides of this industry, via my own experiences and those of people close to me. For some, medication and professional therapy help. Some even benefit from the intense therapies of hospitalization. And, while I strongly feel that there should never be any stigma associated with accepting whatever help the mental health industry has to offer, my personal journey has led me away from it. 

In my case, I found out fairly early that medications prevented me from learning how to cope on my own. Professional therapists, counselors, etc. never seemed to understand where I was coming from and, as a result, tended to leave me frustrated and feeling no better than when I began with them. The thing that always struck me, when I was attempting the counselor route, was that every negative feeling I had was viewed as something unnatural - something to rid myself of. I always ended up feeling like a failure because I couldn't stop the negative though process from occurring. Negativity was wrong. Therefor I was wrong because I felt that way. 

Facing Fears & Growing Up at Amicalola Falls

Over the past year, I've been working on my fitness levels, with the goal of reigniting my once-hobby of hiking and backpacking.  As part of this adventure, this Summer, I gathered the family and we went on a hike to the top of one of our local waterfalls, Amicalola Falls. Amicalola being only a 2-hour drive from our home, we made a spontaneous day trip of it, expecting to have a pleasant dive, a brief but enjoyable hike, and some chill-out time in the woods.  We got most of these things. We also got a bit more.

"You Can Do Anything You Want To!"

When I was a kid, I was constantly told by my teachers and mentors that I was so smart and talented that I could do anything I wanted to in life and I'd be GREAT at it. I could change the world, if I put my mind to it! I know they were just trying to be encouraging, just trying to encourage me to push for the stars (you never know how far you can go if you don't try for the nigh impossible, right?). For me, though, I took their wishes of greatness for me and turned it from encouragement to an expectation I was cursed to constantly strive for and fail to live up to.

Over the course of my life, I have tried my hand at so many things. I have studied the hard sciences, following my studies with both working in a lab and teaching. I have studied and worked in the natural health field, doing everything from retail to administrative work in clinics. I have dipped my toes into a myriad of other subjects and opportunities along the way.  

I have always been lucky enough to have the kind of learning curve that meant it never has taken me long to be "good" at any new thing I try.  My lab work was good. I was a good teacher, a good salesperson, a good administrative assistant.  I wasn't great.  I wasn't great because I wasn't good at caring about any of these things beyond their symbolism in terms of what I viewed as society's interpretation of "success."  And, wherever I wan't "great," I tended to fail.

Over the course of the past year's journey of self-discovery, I've been thinking about this a lot. I've wondered why I kept failing. Why, as I've reached my mid-thirties, I've felt like I was disappointing all of the people who said I could do anything I wanted to…why, in reality, I couldn't.

Evolution & Change

When I started this blog, I was temporarily homeschooling the J-Rex and trying my hand at urban farming, suburban condo-style. The vast majority of my initial posts were about my first excellent year in the garden and the incredible (and a few not-so-incredible) experiences the J-Rex and I were having in our homeschool journey.  I was enjoying writing again, enjoying the us of the blog medium to communicate with the world at large, and enjoying the process of self-discovery I was going through in my garden and homeschool.

Things change, though.  Life takes us in directions we don't expect. This is not a bad thing. It is simply change. Evolution. 

17 Things I Learned at DragonCon

DragonCon is known for the "Con Moment:" the life-changing, re-defining experience that occurs when you're surrounded by thousands of people who have identity-structuring things in common with you (most often and at the very least: a modicum of social awkwardness and a passionate enthusiasm for *something* in geek culture).  This year, as I covered DragonCon as a reporter and attended for the first time since the early 2000's, I had my share of those moments as I learned a lot about myself, my career choice, and the Con in general.  So here is my list of the 17 things I learned this year at DragonCon: