Give Yourself a Hug

For everyone who struggles or has struggled with self-esteem, self-acceptance, anxiety, depression, etc.,  there are no easy fixes. There's a reason an entire industry of dubious value and extreme expense exists to aid people with their mental health. I have seen all sides of this industry, via my own experiences and those of people close to me. For some, medication and professional therapy help. Some even benefit from the intense therapies of hospitalization. And, while I strongly feel that there should never be any stigma associated with accepting whatever help the mental health industry has to offer, my personal journey has led me away from it. 

In my case, I found out fairly early that medications prevented me from learning how to cope on my own. Professional therapists, counselors, etc. never seemed to understand where I was coming from and, as a result, tended to leave me frustrated and feeling no better than when I began with them. The thing that always struck me, when I was attempting the counselor route, was that every negative feeling I had was viewed as something unnatural - something to rid myself of. I always ended up feeling like a failure because I couldn't stop the negative though process from occurring. Negativity was wrong. Therefor I was wrong because I felt that way. 

Over time, as I experimented and researched and began developing my own mental health strategies, I began to realize something very important - revolutionary, even, in terms of my own internal struggles: 

It is OK to feel down. It is perfectly natural and normal to have negative feelings. There is no need to rid ourselves of all negativity - in fact, to do so would mean a loss of inspiration and variety in our lives.  There is not a single emotion that enters our sphere that is not a part of who we are. And why should we deny any aspect of our Selves? Does that not defeat the entire purpose of self-acceptance?

The key, I think, is self-awareness and acknowledgement. Obviously, you don't want a feeling of depression to overwhelm you to the point that you forget what it feels like to be happy. So you must practice a self-awareness that will allow you to recognize your negative emotion for what it is. "I feel down today. I have a train of through going through my head telling me I'm worthless. I have felt this feeling before. It is temporary and will go away eventually." 

The next part is the hardest, though. Yet, it is the most important part of the process - or at least, it has been for me. Because you cannot fight it. Fighting a negative emotion will only increase its power and hold over you. You end up focusing even more on the negative when you are consumed with the idea it must be positive instead.  

No, the thing to do is this: Give yourself a hug. More specifically, give your negative feelings a hug. Consciously remind yourself that you love all of your Self, negative emotions and all.  You don't have to know why they are there. There is no deeper meaning to your feeling of anxiety or depression to be examined. It is simply a part of you that, as every other part of you, is worthy of love.

Today, I woke up feeling down. I have no idea why. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that I'm telling myself that it's ok. I gave myself a hug and, with every new thought of self-loathing and failure that enters my mind, I give myself another one.  My goal is not to be happy today. My goal is to keep reminding myself that, even if I'm not happy, I'm OK. I accept this Self filled with ups and downs and I recognize that, in the end, I wouldn't want it any other way.