Some Things Shouldn't Ever Go on a To-Do List

Gardening is no longer going to be put on my to-do list.  Neither is writing, whether it be blogging, journalling, or anything else that doesn't have a specific deadline. 


As predicted, things have gotten uber busy in my life as of late.  I've spent the last few months digging through a seemingly endless stream of assessment checklists, evaluation write-ups, emails, and appointments as part of the J-Rex's re-entry into the school system. To top that off, I've been preparing myself to get back into the working world as soon as possible by tackling all of the overdue projects I've had sitting around and may not have as much time for once I'm back in the workforce. I've done a thorough "spring cleaning" (in my case, this was more like a "once every few years cleaning"), purged my closet to finally make the quantity of my possessions match the small size of my living space, and gotten caught up on all of my mending, fixing, and filing.  Finally...finally...I am seeing the light at the end of the to-do-tunnel.  Other than a couple of major projects that will have to be completed in stages, I'm almost down to just the day-to-day tasks of my life, which, really, aren't all that time-consuming.  

Somehow, all of this took me longer than I realized and I found myself looking around the other day and realizing that it was Spring! Planting season is upon us! And I haven't blogged since just before the J-Rex's birthday! 

At first, I decided to put both "tasks," blogging and gardening, on my to-do list like everything else I felt like I needed to do.  Then, a few days went by and I couldn't get to everything.  I would look at the words, "write a blog post" and "plant beans" and feel like something was slipping away from me with every day of productivity that I accomplished.  I would check off a task but mourn the loss of time that took me away from the writing and the planting that I needed to do in a more fundamental sense than the needs of deadlines and housework. 

So, I scratched them off. I went back to tackling my list of obligations and, oddly, felt better about everything I did knowing that, as soon as I could make some time, I was going to reward myself with some writing or gardening.  I realized that these things are not obligations...they are not "to-dos"...they are part of my self-care, something I have severely neglected in these last few months of busy.

Last week, I finally reached a stress breaking point.  My response, though, was to push myself all the more, reaching with desperation for a moment when I would have everything done and could relax.  Needless to say, my week this week hasn't been the happiest...until I had a revelation this morning: I don't actually have to be done with everything to take care of myself.  

More importantly, if I don't practice self-care, I won't actually be able to complete everything I want to accomplish - not now, not in this life.  So today, I got a few things done during the homeschool day but, as soon as the schoolwork was finished, I made myself a cup of tea and went out to my porch.  I wasn't sure what I was planning to do, I just knew I needed to take a few minutes to practice some self-care.

The next thing I knew, my fingers were digging in the dirt, transplanting plants that froze over the winter but might come back up this year.  I was filling small pots with the first plantings of quinoa, spinach, lettuce, and swiss chard and noticed a smile starting to slowly make its way across my face...a lightness lift up from my
shoulders...a song light upon my lips. 

For a moment, I stopped worrying about anything.  I didn't even care whether these plants will survive.  I just let myself be in the moment, feeling the dirt in my nails and the pre-storm breeze on my skin.  I simply stopped.  And, instead of regretting the time lost, I became inspired again...refreshed and renewed to get back to work...this time, with that slow smile still echoing in my heart.