The Cascade Effect of Self-Improvement

For a long time , I was pretty down.  I was seeing my lifestyle fall apart around me, watching from the sidelines as I kept losing and losing...family members and friends, jobs, possessions, confidence...  

I comforted myself with cigarettes, sleep, and generally attempting to hide from myself and life in general.  

Then, I quit smoking.  To fill the time and distract myself from the cravings, I began taking on new challenges. I tried all sorts of things, from a daily gratitude practice, to clearing out my to-do list, to cultivating an active lifestyle and beginning to exercise regularly.

At first, all of these self-improvement projects were simply a way of staving off boredom (when you're quitting cigarettes, boredom is The Enemy) but, as time passed and momentum built, they became part of a cascade-effect within me - a waterfall of progress, if you will.

You see, with every small success - finding something to be thankful for every day for a month, meeting a 21-day fitness challenge, or simply acknowledging each task I managed to accomplish in a day - my confidence began to slowly improve.  I began to remember that, despite the major downturns my life has taken over the last several years, I am worthwhile, worthy of my own efforts...

Remembering this, I began to feel a return of water to the dry creek-beds that were my creativity, my sense of adventure, my ambition...and with this new creative flow, I was creating the momentum and the confidence to continue my pursuits.

I have faltered, yes. I've fallen off the exercise wagon over recent weeks and I've let my to-do list pile up a bit again.  A year ago, these small slides backwards would be enough to make me hide my head in the sand and give up.  I had so little hope and sense of self-efficacy that there seemed to be no point. 

This time, though, the residual rush of success is still fresh within me, the thrill of facing my challenges is still a lingering taste on my tounge, and that feeling of being worthwhile? Yeah, it's still there.  

So, I'm trying this new thing called "forgiving myself." I hear it's a pretty effective way to keep moving forward in life.  

I'm forgiving myself, re-evaluating what I need in terms of my continued self-improvement - not because I'm in such need of improvement, but because my happiness is - and moving on.  You see, the point is to keep the flow going...to let each success be part of a grand cascade, each stage taking me a little bit closer to where I want, but hadn't dared hope, to be.